When a Family Member has Anxiety

Anxiety. Lets be honest, it doesn't always make a whole lot of sense. However, there is more to anxiety that you may just see on the outside. It can be confusing when a loved one is struggling with an anxiety disorder and difficult to understand how they can be "worked up" over something so simple or illogical. As a therapist that specializes working with people with anxiety disorders and OCD, here are some things that I think are important for family members to know to better understand their loved ones:

1. ​Anxiety and an anxiety disorder are different. While they are both based in the same emotion, the brain is "wired" differently in an anxiety disorder which creates more difficulty for the person to control and manage the feeling. While you may be able to experience stress or anxiety and manage it well, the experience for someone that is struggling with a mental health condition such as an anxiety disorder will have a vastly different experience.
2. Anxiety is our mind's and body's fear response. When our body senses danger, it responds in the fight or flight response (pretty much all of the symptoms you think of when you think of anxiety). Your loved one's responses are derived from significant and distressing fear that their anxiety convinces them will surely happen. Think of something that creates uncomfortable, intense fear for you. Now imagine being 100% convinced that this fear is an imminent danger of coming true. Now, experience this distressing fear all day. This is the life of someone struggling with anxiety.
3. While their anxiety may be irrational, it is REAL. Your loved one may tell you what they are feeling anxious about but it may make no sense to you. Actually, your loved one may also be able to identify that the thought they are having is completely irrational as well. However, the feeling that it creates in them is REAL anxiety. It may not seem like a big deal to you, however, it is a massive deal to them. Anxiety has a knack for reducing our ability to sort our rational and irrational thoughts, making managing these times even more difficult for them.
4. Therapy is for the strong, not the weak. There is a stigma that when someone seeks counseling, it creates shame because the person is not "strong enough" to do this on their own. This has always seemed odd to me because if someone breaks their arm and gets a cast, we don't shame them for going to the doctor and not doing it on their own. It is important to remember for the clients that I see struggling with anxiety, they are facing their most significant and distressing fears head on. In my eyes, the people willing to commit to that are strong and courageous beyond compare. 
5. Progress, not perfection. There is no timeline for therapy. I wish there was. I wish when someone came into my office I could say, "I'll have you out of here in 10 weeks!" However, I know that I cannot guarantee that timeline nor is a timeline relevant. We will work hard to get to the goals set as quickly as possible but we will always go as long as it takes to get there.

As a family member, what can you do to best support your loved one? Here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Validate when your loved one feels anxious. You do not have to say their fear is rational, however, it is important to be there to recognize that their reaction is real. While a statement such as "it's a not a big deal" may sound helpful, it dismisses how the person feels because it is a big deal for them. Instead try, "I can see this is really hard for you." 
2. Acknowledge their successes, especially the small ones. It is easy to focus on the end goal of "being better." However, there are going to be many small successes that your loved one will have that are important to focus on. 
3. Ask this very important question: "what can I do to help?" Be there as a support and as someone that can help aid in the recovery process.

Having an understanding of how an anxiety disorder can effect someone and the ways to be most supportive to your loved one during these times can improve your loved one's progress in therapy. A supportive and understanding family member can be a major asset to help them regain control of their lives back from anxiety.

Have more questions about this topic?

Email Me

Call me